Love and loss. 10 strengtheners

Love and loss by Jehanzaib Younis. 10 strengtheners

The pervading power of love, its wonders and its impact on our lives. Touching quotes about love, life, friends and where we stand in the greater scheme of things!

1. START THE WAY OF SUCCESS
Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
Success is simple: Do what’s right, the right way, at the right time.

 

2. SUCCESS GOES TO THOSE WHO FIND WAYS OVER THE HURDLES
STRENGTH FROM HURT,
LESSONS FROM MISTAKES,
SUCCESS FROM FAILURE

You will never be brave if you don't get hurt.

You will never learn if you don't have mistakes.
You will never be successful if you don't encounter failure.

3. WISE WINNINGS

THE TRUE NATURE OF SUCCESS

Who wins in love wins the life but who fails in love can win the world.
But what’s the use of winning a world when you lost your life?

4. WHEN TEARS ARE NOT THE ANSWER

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile...

5. WHEN SMILES ARE THE ANSWER

Never cry for the person who hurts you. Just smile and say
"Thanks for giving me a chance to find someone better than you."

6. PAIN IS A FACT OF LIFE
WHERE DOES THE PAIN COME FROM?

Why does Love hurt? 
It’s because we like someone more than our self?
NO
It’s because we trust them so much that we forget to trust our self!

7. SOME FRIENDSHIPS JUST DON’T WORK!
WITH FRIENDS LIKE THIS WHO NEEDS ENEMIES?

I won’t even pretend that I still know you.
Maybe you’re the one that’s lost

But you’re not looking for a way back.

Can’t you see our friendship was the cost?

8. AVOID EMOTIONAL OVERLOAD

Don't let people bring you down,
Stand up for your right,
Show them what you’ve got...
You have the right to do what you want.
But be careful to choose what you think is right,
so that at the end of the day you will not blame yourself..

9. OVERBOARD IN LOVE

Real love cannot be deceived because it wants nothing outside of itself but
When you start giving too much importance to someone in your life, you tend to loose your importance in their life – strange but true.

10. WHERE MONEY FITS IN

Some people don't work for money ...

For some people money is the primary aspect, for some passion is the primary. My point is that the reason to live is not to collect money. Some good deeds lead you to success.

Text credit: various sources

Allah's Comfort (JYK)

Never lose faith, says Jehanzaib Younis. 7 faith strengtheners

1. ALLAH IS HERE FOR US

I won’t ever lose faith because Allah is with me. Pain and the failure will not destroy my faith. Quotes that strengthen my faith, comfort me and guide me, and I hope they will do the same for you as they do for me.

2. ALLAH’S ROLE IN MY LIFE

‎"It is Allah Who has created me, and it is He Who guides me;
And when I am ill, it is He who cures me.
"And it is He Who feeds me and gives me to drink..."
And Who will cause me to die, and then will bring me to life (again);
"And Who, I hope will forgive me my faults on the Day of Recompense, (the Day of Resurrection)" ( Surahالشعراء Al Shuara)

3. Victory LESSONS FROM GREAT MEN

“I learned from Hazrat Imam Hussain R.A how to achieve victory while being oppressed.” Mahatma Gandhi

4. FOR YOUR OWN GOOD

Your money and children are a test, and GOD possesses a great recompense.
Therefore, you shall revere GOD as much as you can, and listen, and obey, and give (to charity) for your own good.
Anyone who is protected from his own stinginess, these are the successful ones.
If you lend GOD a loan of righteousness, He will multiply the reward for you manifold, and forgive you. GOD is Appreciative, Clement.
The Knower of all secrets and declarations; the Almighty, Most Wise.

5. THINK, THINK, THINK AGAIN

Life is a Gift....
Today before you think of saying an unkind word 
- Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food 
- Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Today before you complain about life
- Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you argue about who cleans up your dirty house
- Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive
- Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job
- Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another
- Remember that nobody is perfect are without faults.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down
- Put a smile on your face and be thankful you're alive and still around.

6. THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE FIRST MONTH OF THE ISLAMIC CALENDAR

Month of Muharram (The month of Muharram marks the beginning of a new Islamic Year)
Allah created Hazrat Adam in this month and pardoned him of his mistake.
Hazrat Noah’s Ark landed successfully on Mount Judi during this time centuries ago.
Hazrat Ibrahim was saved from fire and Hazrat Musa rescued from the Pharaoh during the month of Muharram.
The Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) used to fast during the days of Ashura (the 9th and the 10th of Muharram) as a remembrance of the incident when Allah saved Prophet Musa (A.S) and the Children of Israel.

7. PEARLS OF WISDOM
Postings by Jehanzaib Younis

http://abetoday.com/2010/12/25/for-millions-quaid-e-azam-is-revered-as-the-father-of-a-nation-his-legacy-also-includes-some-of-the-best-philosophy-to-live-by-says-jehanzaib-younis/

http://abetoday.com/2011/01/01/last-word-of-nabi-kareem-muhammad-s-a-a-w/

Text credit: various sources

TAP INTO THE WISDOM OF THE WISE

B:  Blessings from the wisest people are yours ifyou reflect and act upon their wise ways.

L:  Let blessings bless you and liven up your fatefor the better.

E:  Entertain the wisest thoughts and wisdom ofthe ages at all times.

S:  Super blessings are enveloping you when youthink wisdom and wise ways.

S:  Sink deeper into your mental thinking anddecision-making processes, and draw out all the wisdom that is in you and inthe universe.

Y:  You are blessed, totally blessed when youaccept sincere blessings from wise beings. You are at your wisest when you openup to wise blessings and wise ways.

O:  Open up, open up to the wisest of blessingsand look around at all the things helping you to be better and better, andwiser and wiser.
U:  Up your wisdom and urgently thinkabout how you benefit from the wisdom zone.

THE WHERE YOU ARE BLESSING

B:  Be proactive today because today is a good dayto get moving on your dreams and plans of actions.
L:  Let go of concerns and proactivelypress on.
E:  Examine what you have and even thinkabout skills you have not used in awhile. Examine what can be engines of growthfor you.
S:  Start where you are and do what youcan.
S:  So much can be done with what youhave: brains and brawn, skills and scrutinizing other resources.
I:  Imagine as high as you can and getcracking on the infinite possibilities.
N:  Nature is something you shouldcapitalize upon: your nature and the forces of nature in man, mind, anduniverse.
G:  Go ahead with what you have and dothings to move what you have.

S:  Seek to see the great value, potential andopportunities that are waiting to be unearthed by you.

PACK IN MORE INTO YOUR LIFE

B:  Become moreblessed by being more accepting of all that is, and intentionally expand yourcapacity to do whatever you love.
L:  Life is experienced through you so make sure you experience the best by loving more what you are and do.
E:  Everywhere in the universe are lovable things, so tap into everything that can be adored, admired andappreciated – enormously energizing emotions.
S:  Send love and forgiveness to your past self. Send love and forgiveness to the past, present and future.
S:  Sincerely forgive yourself and stepup to a better way of life.
I:  I invite you to reflect upon what you could do to invite more abundance into your life. I ask you to open your mindand link with other like-minded people, energies and entities in your networks.
N:  Nurture everything you have got inyou and your resources, and love it as it grows.
G:  Gifts of gorgeous blessings aregarnered when you grace your thoughts with the greatness of blessings.
S:  Sending blessings, love and good luckto you today – use it wisely. Stay Blessed.

Word to the Wise: Wise blessings for you

Blessing for more love in your life

B: Become more blessed by being more accepting of all that is, and intentionally expand your capacity to do whatever you love.
L: Life is experienced through you so make sure you experience the best by loving more what you are and do.
E:  Everywhere in the universe are lovable things, so tap into everything that can be adored, admired and appreciated – enormously energizing emotions.
S: Send love and forgiveness to your past self. Send love and forgiveness to the past, present and future.
S: Sincerely forgive yourself and step up to a better way of life.
I:  I invite you to reflect upon what you could do to invite more abundance into your life. I ask you to open your mind and link with other like-minded people, energies and entities in your networks.
N: Nurture everything you have got in you and your resources, and love it as it grows.
G: Gifts of gorgeous blessings are garnered when you grace your thoughts with the greatness of blessings.
S:  Sending blessings, love and good luck to you today – use it wisely. Stay Blessed.

Blessing to tap into the wisdom of the wise people around you. 

B:  Blessings from the wisest people around are yours if you will reflect and act upon their wise ways.

L:  Let blessings bless you and liven up your fate for the better.

E:  Entertain the greatest wisest thoughts and wisdom of the ages at all times. 

S:  Super blessings are enveloping you when you think wisdom and wise ways.  

S:  Sink deeper into your mental thinking and decision-making processes, and draw out all the wisdom that is in you and in the universe.

Y:  You are blessed,totally blessed when you accept sincere blessings from wise beings. You are at your wisest when you open up to wise blessings and wise ways. 

O:  Open up, open up to the wisest of blessings and look around at all the things helping you to be better and better, and wiser and wiser.
U:  Up your wisdom and urgently think about how you benefit from the wisdom zone.

Blessing for what you have right where you are

B: Be proactive today because today is a good day to get moving on your dreams and plans of actions.
L: Let go of concerns and proactively press on.
E: Examine what you have and even think about skills you have not used in awhile. Examine what can be engines of growth for you in the present and from the past.
S: Start where you are and do what you can.
S: So much can be done with what you have: brains and brawn, skills and scrutinizing other resources.
I: Imagine as high as you can and get cracking on the infinite possibilities.
N: Nature is something you should capitalize upon: your nature and the forces of nature in man, mind, and universe.
G:  Go ahead with what you have and do things to move what you have.

S:  Seek to see the great value,potential and opportunities that are waiting to be unearthed by you.  

10 ways to love more and more deeply. 10 ways to make it last

  

1. Find a way never to criticize – even the type that is believed to be constructive. Instead think of ways to help and support and just do it.  Always have the mindset that there must be good reasons why they behave in the way they do.    
2.  Absolute compatibility is a myth – but think about it – would you really be happy if you were exactly the same?  Variety is the spice of life, so look upon the differences as adding the vim and zip to life and your friendship/relationship.   
3.  Find ways to be close – find things to do together.   When you feel yourself slipping away give yourself a slap and remember to find ways to include your  friend.   After all the foundation of a relationship is friendship and doing things together - may be not all the time but enough to remember the connection.    
4.  Games add spice but not the blame game.   This is one game that results in people never wanting to play again or putting up so many defenses that there is no game.  Break down defenses by using the language of  ‘I feel.”  
5.  What are the goals of a relationship? Yes relationships have goals and the greatest goal is to be more intimate and to do things that foster intimacy.  
6.  Hard bargain – the healthiest relationships are not about calculating an exact exchange – there will be times when each gives more or receives more – keep up the giving and the gracious receiving as much as possible.  
7.  Another goal to is to reach the deepest form of love. The deepest form of love goes past the heady passionate time.  At that stage some couples think the relationship is over and give up. Ironically if the couple continues, they may reach the land of the deepest love.   
8.  Focus on the positive.  Focus on the goals.   Focus on the joys too. Leave the negative out of the equation – in fact treat it as a blessing in disguise and an opportunity for you to do more and develop more.  Remember every time you complain is a wasted opportunity to focus on the positive and for you to do something constructive.  Focusing on the negative is detrimental unless you treat it in a positive way – a way for you to do more and give more.
9.  Listen Up.   If you have ever taught young children you will know that getting them to listen is one of the challenges of teaching.  It can be the same in a relationship but you need to start with yourself first and think about do you really listen with your ears and your eyes in your relationship?  If you think you are always right then you are in need of a listening tune up.  In fact, it is more positive to listen without any judgment of who is right or wrong because if you do, you are keeping scores which is detrimental in a relationship.  
10.   Sharing likes.   Some people hide their needs. Ironically you should let your partner/friend be aware of your likes – perhaps that is a better way than saying needs.  Treat your likes as a way of sharing who you are.

Many levels of Mountains

Mountain of Knowledge
Long Wait

I grew up in the bosom of Middle England but the one piece of Muslim philosophy that my mother imparted to me was if the mountain would not come to Muhammad, Muhammad would go the mountain.

Seminal Statement

It was one of those seminal statements that has been a guiding force in my life. If things won’t come to me then I must go towards what I want.

Guiding Force

I may not have been born Muslim, but that Muslim philosophy has been a guiding force in my life and because of this statement I have wanted to know about the man who is so revered by millions of people around the world.

Inspiration

Now with the internet, writers on Wikipedia opine that Muhammad did not say this but perhaps English writers in earlier times felt he would say it and the proverb is so valuable that Prophet Muhammad could have said it. Certainly this proverb is inspired by Prophet Muhammad at the very least.

Seeking Knowledge

We are reminded to be seekers – to seek knowledge and to seek everything we need in this life.

Key to Life

This proverb is how I relate to Prophet Muhammad – a life-long quest for knowledge and working towards the key things of life.

English Mountain 

This proverb which is part of English culture teaches us that we have to go out if things don’t come to us, and let us be honest that mountain is never going to get legs and come to us. So we have to be the seeker.

Climbing Mountains

Thanks totally to the internet I came across Mike Ghouse through a friend.

Mike Ghouse is an American and a Muslim. He is tireless in his pursuit of teaching the Oneness of Religion, and spreads knowledge about Islam and how many of the concepts are similar to Christianity, Judaism and other religions. He has asked the question: “How do we relate the prophet?” and my answer is here - Prophet Muhammad taught me through the mountain proverb that we must seek out everything.

Mountains of Questions

Muslims are supposed to follow a way of life called the Sunnah. That includes emulating the way of life of Prophet Muhammad – wearing similar clothes, eating like him, living like him.

Cohesive Mountain

According to Mike Ghouse, Prophet Muhammad believed in building cohesive societies. This included earning the respect of people of other faiths – Jews and Christians. We also build cohesion when we are truthful, trustworthy and just.

Peaceful Mountain

There may not be as much peace in this world as we would like; nevertheless, we can do much to spread peace and harmony in the world we operate in. Our peace may just be a pebble but many pebbles make a mountain. Nurturing goodwill and mitigating conflicts adds up. Forgiveness is part of the peace equation and a cardinal principle of both Islam and Christianity.

Mountain of Hurt

Mike Ghouse thinks of the Prophet when someone hurts him because the Prophet advised against score keeping, revenge and aggravating each other. “I love the freedom it gives me, freedom from brooding and obsession to get even with the other,” he explains.

Every Mountain

Prophet Muhammad’s last sermon was certainly ahead of its time when he declared that no man is superior to the other and that all are equal. Even in the 21st century this is a principle that not all men have embraced but there certainly has been progress in many nations.

Last Mountain

An idiom my mother also frequently used: the pot calling the kettle black. This idiom means that in some way we are the same as what we are judging about others. There are many natural emotions we need to curb including the tendency to be judgmental. When we have those times, we should remember either our Christian or Muslim heritage. Christians are told: Judge not lest you be judged too, while Prophet Muhammad said: God knows every thing about the other, not me. Let me not judge without knowing it all.

English standard before diplomas admission

Requirement ReasoningRequirements are there for a reason.

Singapore Standards
Singapore prides itself as a educational hub for both private and public sector education.

Reputation RationaleThe quality of Singapore's public sector is renowned internationally, and the private sector is expected to pull its weight too and not let the side down in terms of keeping up the Republic’s quest and image as an educational destination of choice.

The private sector includes diploma and degree education from foreign universities provided through private operators.

English Reality
How can you benefit from any good-quality diploma or degree course if your English language is dodgy? 

You can’t.

That is the reality, and is why James Cook University Singapore turned away 16 students mainly from China, according to The Straits Times.

Mismatch
Large numbers of foreign students flock to Singapore for intensive English classes, hoping subsequently to join a diploma or degree course after completing this course.

One of the affected students mentioned in the news report was tested again on arrival to Singapore and her language skills did not match her IELTS (International English Language Testing System) result.

Clearly Deficient   
Dale Anderson, deputy vice-chancellor of the Singapore campus of James Cook University mentioned in the report that students are refused entry only if it is clear they can’t cope with their studies.

Different Tack
It seems that AEC College has taken a different approach permitting its students to start their 18-month MBA course, but then allow their students up to one year to satisfy the minimum English requirements.

This tack is nothing new.

Personal ExperienceWhen I was working in the British Council, I was aware of a number of private schools permitting students to attend courses before they got their English certification provided they had it by the time graduation came.

Downside ConsiderationsThe downside of this approach is that the student may never get up to the required English standard although a lot do.

Also what could they really understand while they are getting up to speed?

It must have an impact on the level of understanding.  However, it does depend on the nature of the studies. For example, for some creative arts diploma courses this seemed a reasonable approach.

New Regulatory Authority
My experience was before the Council of Private Education (CPE) was set up and no doubt this will be an area that will come under scrutiny.

Fairness
A spokesman was reported as saying that requirements must be clearly communicated to students. That seems to be a fair point.

Other institutions were reported as saying that the English proficiency level must be satisfied before students can enroll in the diploma and degree courses.

Simon Phillips director of marketing and admissions at Curtin Singapore mentioned that some students do struggle when they have learnt English by rote learning. In this situation he said he would recommend intensive English classes.

Reference:  The Straits Times, Tuesday January 1, 2013.  Private uni bars foreign students for poor English

The birds and the bees and living happily ever after. HOW TO HAVE A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN

THE BEST MARRIAGES

How to have a match made in heaven. Here are the secrets for a successful marriage however it takes two to believe in them.

MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN
In Islam marriage is a form of worship, a social obligation, an act highly admired by Allah SWT and a way of life (Sunnah) of Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon Him).

BENEFITS TO MAN AND WORLD
1. Marriage is a life-long commitment and partnership. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) stated divorce was the most hated act of all lawful things in the sight of Allah.

2. Marriage is a beautiful institution, where two people experience solace, comfort and a taste of the Garden of Jannah (a heavenly time).

3. Marriage is a stabilizing force in society and guarantees well-being for the community.

4. Shared sweet moments are more rewarding than Nafl Ibaadah (extra worship). It is an Ibaadah (a form of worship) that can lead one to Jannah (heaven), where a pious couple will be happy companions for eternity.

COMPLETE EQUALITY
In Islam both spouses are equal – no one is superior to each other. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) reportedly said that women are the twin-halves of men. When a man and woman have joined through marriage, they are complete.

MEN AND WOMEN ARE GARMENTS FOR EACH OTHER
Allah describes the importance and significance of men and women to each other in the Holy Qur'an.

'They (women) are your garments and you (men) are their garments.' (2:187)

Without clothing (garments), a body is not protected nor properly dressed.

One’s clothing is one’s modesty, one’s protection, one’s security, one’s respect, one’s comfort, one’s reputation even.

Clothing is meaningless without a body.

The two must go together. If apart, there is little reason for their existence.

Just as one takes care of garments, spouses, who are each other's garments, should do the same.

IDEAL WORLD
Although they are of equal status, each has different duties, responsibilities, and roles as Muslim husband and Muslim wife. The ideal of wife-hood was declared to be love and affection and not subordination and inferiority.

PERFECT MODEL
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was an example of how to treat a wife and he always encouraged his followers to treat wives kindly and lovingly: 'A good Muslim husband should treat his wife in the best possible manner.'

LOVELY LIFE
The Quran states: 'Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If you take a dislike to them, it may be you dislike a thing in which Allah has meant for your own good.' (4:19)

TEAMWORK
The wife was regarded by Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) as the best safeguard for the husband against sin. A husband should regard his wife as a safeguard against immorality and as a consolation and comfort in times of distress.

WISE COUNSEL
A husband and wife are to be the best of companions. They should be each others support and comfort, "a shoulder to lean on."

EXAMPLE OF WISE COUNSEL
There was an occasion where the non-Muslims of Makkah would not allow the Muslims to perform Hajj. Sacrificing an animal is a part of the holy pilgrimage. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) told his followers that they would have to sacrifice the animals elsewhere, but the followers did not agree and did not obey. He asked them a couple more times, and still they thought it was not allowed to do that, so they didn't obey.

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) went back to his wife and narrated the story to his wife, who advised him to go out, shave his head, sacrifice an animal, and his followers would do the same. He did just that and the followers, upon seeing the Prophet doing what he had commanded them to do, finally obeyed him. This is an example of the love and respect of the special relationship of a husband and wife.

MONEY AND RESOURCES
An important duty of the husband is to provide his wife with finance from his wages, so that she could successfully run the household. The Prophet (PBUH) said: 'You shall give her food when you take your food and you shall clothe her when you clothe yourself,' meaning he should take care of his wife as well as he takes care of himself.

Prophet Muhammad’s wife Aysha RA narrated that Hind, wife of Abu Sufyan, complained to Muhammad SAW: 'Abu Sufyan is a miserly person. He does not give adequate maintenance for me and my children, but I take from his wealth without his knowledge. Is this sin on my part?' The Prophet (PBUH) replied: 'Take from his property the usual amount that would suffice you and your children.'

MORAL AND SPIRITUAL
A wife is a spiritual and moral being like her husband. Therefore, the husband should build a moral and spiritual relationship with his wife. This will help in establishing family units that knit together with ties of love and affection and will finally lead to the growth and development of a civilized life in communities all over the earth, but in accomplishing this, the cooperation of the wife is essential.

HUSBAND IS HEAD OF THE HOUSE
The husband has been granted the God-given right as the 'head' of the family, the organizer, the supervisor of the social unit of marriage, as all social units need a 'head.'

GO WITH THE FLOW

'Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given one more strength than the other and because they support them from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in the husband's absence what Allah would have them guard.' (4:34)

TREASURED TREASURE
The righteous woman, according to Allah, is one who is obedient to her husband. The Prophet (PBUH) said to his companions: 'Shall I tell you about the best treasure a man can have? It is the virtuous wife who always pleases him whenever he looks at her, who obeys him when he orders her, and who guards herself when he is absent from her.' But if a wife is rebellious and cannot accept this situation, the marriage will, undoubtedly, be unsuccessful.

PLEASING

A righteous woman will know that pleasing her husband is pleasing Allah and bringing displeasure to her husband is bringing displeasure to Allah. The Prophet (PBUH) said: 'When a man calls his wife for his need, let her come to him, though she may be cooking. Whenever a man calls his wife for his need and she refuses and he passes the night in an angry mood, the angels curse her until she gets up at dawn.'

BENEFACTORS
It is only natural for the husband, who is entrusted with the maintenance of the wife from her family, to expect obedience from her. The men are the benefactors. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) warned: 'Be not ungrateful to your benefactors.'

RULER
The husband is like the ruler of a country. If the citizens do not respectfully obey him, then, no matter what he does, he will be unsuccessful in running the country.

MICROCOSM OF SOCIETY
The home is the basic unit of the larger organization. It is only when the smaller units are in order that the larger unit will function smoothly.

ATMOSPHERE OF LOVE
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: 'There is nothing better than marriage between partners who love each other.' So, the wife should feel happy to serve, please and obey her husband.

CLOSE COMPANIONSHIP
In marriage, there should be no secrets between husband and wife. The man is most reluctant in sharing his secrets with anyone, except his wife.

TRUST
A companionship so close which enables him to trust her with his confidential matters as well as to guard them safely. And it is the duty of the wife to not carelessly reveal her husband's secrets and confidential feelings and emotions to anyone. The Qur'an states that if a woman holds a grudge against her husband, it would still be unlawful for her to reveal his secrets.

HOME SWEET HOME

Addressing women, Allah says in the Qur'an: 'Stay in your homes.' (33:33), meaning that the woman's duties should be related to and around the home. A woman has an important internal duty of caring for her home, her family, and her children.

MOTHERLY
The wife and mother are the role models for the success of the future generations. They have the power to make a home or break a home. She is like the head of state, devoting herself to making her home an ideal one. She has the major responsibilities of housekeeping, taking care of everyone else’s needs before her own, management of all affairs, and most importantly, raising the children as devout, pious, righteous Muslims.

HIGHEST PLACE

An obedient wife wins the heart of her husband, therefore, gaining the upper hand. Hers is the highest place at home and in the eyes of her husband. On the other hand, a disobedient wife who quarrels with her husband and is ungrateful and unloving to him, will spend her life filled with bitterness and a rock-hard heart, not to mention the displeasure of her Lord.

JUST DESERTS
Being the maintainer of the house, the man should not abuse his right in a displeasing and unIslamic manner. If he makes this sinful mistake, he should know that he will have to meet his Lord and answer for his deeds.

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: 'The man is ruler over his wife and children and is answerable to Allah for the conduct of their affairs. The woman is the ruler over the house of her husband and children and is answerable for the conduct of her affairs.'

BLESSING AND PRAYER
May Allah give all believing men and women, married or looking to marry, the towfeeq (all the means) to be the ideal Muslim husband and the ideal Muslim wife with Allah's Divine help and guidance. May Allah bless all present and future marriages with love, happiness, peace, and success. Ameen. Alhumdulillahi Rabbil Alameen (Praise be to God, Amen).

TEXT CREDIT: http://quranicverse99.tripod.com/islamicways/id1.html

55 ways to the best Muslim Marriage

55 tips to better marriage

SUSTAINABLE WAY OF LIFE

The Quran and Hadiths from Prophet Muhammad (Peace be Upon Him) reveal how to achieve what we all want – sustainable happiness in marriage. Hadiths are the sayings of the beloved Prophet.

1. Time apart

Short separations (hours or a few days) will strengthen but long separations can weaken the relationship. Remember the adages: Absence makes the heart grow fonder but out of mind out of sight. Stories by Queen Shahrazad (One Thousand and One Nights) talk about unfaithful wives. Don’t neglect your spouse and make sure you are not apart except for the most compelling reasons (that both parties can understand and agree upon).

2. Understand each others’fitrah (our nature and character)

Fitrah is the natural disposition of a person. Allah has created man and women with certain qualities that are innate in them.
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) states that “Every person is born in a state of fitrah, it is their parents who change them to a Jew, Christian or Fire worshipper.” (Al Bukhari and Muslim). Both husband and wife must try not to challenge each others’ fitrah but to adjust to and accommodate the partner’s God-given nature.

3. Solve disputes on the same day.

Prophet Muhammad said, “Don’t let disputes stay until the next day but solve them the same day.”
It’s important not to let disputes last longer than a day otherwise small issues will seem very big.

4. Don’t speak about your past!
Islam forbids speaking about the sins you committed during your jahilliyah days (the time before practising Islam).

5. Don’t expect perfection – live your lives naturally.
A couple came to Prophet Muhammad and said, ‘We make mistakes’ and Prophet Muhammad said, ‘You are not perfect.’
Always evaluate problems honestly and don’t expect miracles.

6. Convey your love and warm feelings to each other.
“You must express yourself to your partners” it is said in a Hadith. The wife of Prophet Muhammad said: “The Prophet never let a day pass without showing his affection.”

7. Fight against your own problems and don’t share anger with your partner.

8. Do not be critical of each other.
Prophet Muhammad said, “Do not be critical.” All types of criticism are forbidden in Islam. Islam allows certain types of white lies in order to maintain a good relationship. For example, complimenting on the wife’s cooking even if it doesn’t taste nice!

9. When in a dispute with your partner don’t expand the argument by adding all other previous disputes.
Prophet Muhammad said, “Dare any of you who sleeps with his wife in the night and then criticizes her in the morning.”

10. Never doubt your partner.
Doubting each other can lead to the destruction of the marriage.

11. Trust your partner and show you have full confidence in them.

12. Pick a suitable partner for yourself but also make sure that you are also compatible for your partner.

A man came to the Prophet Muhammad after seeing a woman for the purpose of marriage and said, ‘She is of good Deen (faith/religion) but her father refuses.’ Prophet Muhammad replied,‘Did you look to yourself?’ (This man never went for jihad or was seen among the men of Medina). The man replied “Ya Rasuallah, verily you have spoken the truth.”

13. The main pillar to maintain a good relationship between the husband and wife is purity, hence cleanliness of body and house is important.
Once a woman complained to the Prophet about her husband’s bad odour.
Prophet Muhammed said, “None of you who believe in Allah spits and covers it.”

14. You need to sacrifice to maintain relationship.
Prophet Muhammad said, “Sacrifice is the best gift between husband and wife.”

15. ADVICE FROM A SAHABIYAT (the female Companions of Prophet Muhammad) TO HER DAUGHTER
“Care about your husband like you care about yourself and have love for your partner like what you love for yourself.”

Prophet Muhammad would never eat before his wives. As mentioned in a hadith

“The best among you is the one who raises the food and feeds his wife.”

16. Give your partner gifts.
Exchanging gifts will cause more inclinations toward each other and strengthen the relationship. However, make sure those are the types of gifts your spouse likes. Some people prefer to be with the person when they are buying – so again find out what pleases your spouse. Useless gifts will be unappreciated and sour the relationship.

17. Don’t be selfish!
Give and take, don’t always take.

18. Don’t accuse your partner of problems. by saying ‘You did it’ or ‘it’s your fault.’

19. Live for the day and don’t worry about tomorrow.
Allah knows whether or not you are going to wake up in the morning!

20. Always remember that marriage is a divine bond, so think twice before doing something on the impulse which you will regret later.
Prophet Muhammad said, “Three things that are serious: marriage, divorce and freeing the slave.”

21. Although love is an essential part of marriage, do not take it for granted and abuse each other thinking that your partner will always love you regardless of ill treatment.

22. Be an example to your partner and let your actions tell and convey your personality.
Prophet Muhammad said; “To change your partner the way you wish, be the model for them.”
“Pray Qiyaam with your wife.” Qiyaam is the night prayer.
Fatima (ra) the daughter of the Prophet Muhammad asked ‘How can I be closer to Ali (ra)?’ The Prophet replied ‘Pray Qiyaam ul-Layl with him and whenever he wakes up, wake up with him.’

23. Do not let parents, relatives or neighbors interfere with your marriage.
Try to reconcile between yourselves as much as you can and if that’s not possible than allow a trustworthy Muslim to arbitrate.

24. Don’t rush into correcting differences which you perceive in your partner. There are some matters that can only be changed with time.

25. The couple must both accept the consequences and responsibilities that marriage brings and be satisfied.

26. Do not embarrass or humiliate your partner especially in the presence of other people.

27. Participate in collective activities together.
Co-operating with each other will bring a sense of family life – picnics, BBQ, dawah projects. Dawah is missionary work for Islam. Prophet Muhammad used to do collective things with his wives.

28. Do not look down on your partner or ridicule their capability, rather let your partner express themselves.
Prophet Muhammad said, “The good husband is the one when she speaks he listens and when she complains he is concerned.”

29. The financial right (Naafaqah) of the wife is something serious and her husband must fulfil it.

30. Do not share your sadness and misery with your partner rather exchange jokes and laughter.

31. Do not allow your friends to interfere in your marriage.
Aisha (ra) the wife of Prophet Muhammad once said to the women of the Ansar “Watch out! Do not give room for your friends to interfere in your own privacy.”
Part of a man’s fitrah is that he has the right of authority in the family as the head of the household and also that no one should know about his affairs.

32. Let your husband feel that you are content with him and that you are proud of him.
Muhammad Prophet said, “Do not compare your husband with another man and do not compare your wife with another woman.”

33. During times of disputes remember the goodness of your partner.
Prophet Muhammad said, “The good deed abolishes the bad deed.”

34. Abu Bakr (ra) said: “In order to understand the character and goodness of your partner, remember:
• What do you like about your partner?
• What happy experiences have passed between the two of you?
• What things did you do together?”
• Umar bin Khattab (ra) said: “The good man is the one who makes his partner like him and appreciate him.”

35. Be careful not to use abusive words during times of disputes.

36. Have celebrations with the family.
Prophet Muhammad used to encourage his daughter Fatima (ra) and Ali (ra) to celebrate with their children.

37. The intelligent wife is the one who asks her husband for things at the right time. For example, don’t ask for a expensive dress if you know he can’t afford it!

38. Prophet Muhammad said, “Three things that should not be used My dignity, My status, My pride.”

39. Do not abolish the presence of your partner. Always consult your partner, even if it’s for small issues such as grocery shopping.

40. Do not run away from home!
If you want to discipline the wife for doing something sinful then separate from the bed but don’t leave home.
Prophet Muhammad said; “Don’t run away from home.”

41. Do not anger your husband by asking too many unnecessary questions and vice versa.

42. Do not desert the husband at home.
Umar bin Khattab disciplined a woman for that and said to her; ‘Are you a woman or a man?’

43. Do not exchange roles!
Allah has clearly defined the rights and responsibilities of the husband and wife. Hence it is not proper for us to swap them. A woman must remember even if she is working, her husband, children and home would always come first.

44. Respect the In-laws.

45. Prophet Muhammad said, “Honour your mother in-law and call her by the best names (according to the tradition).”

46. Don’t let the neighbor interfere.
Prophet Muhammad said; “Look after your neighbours and participate with them in happiness and sadness and always command them to obey Allah.”
Disclosing family secrets is not participating in sadness!

47. Be careful not to have disputes frequently, it will jeopardise the relationship.
Learn to sacrifice in issues of permissibility in order to maintain tranquillity.

48. Always establish quietness, calmness and tranquillity in the home.

49. Do not interfere with your partner when they are disciplining the children except in an emergency where your partner is violating the Shari’ah (Muslim laws).

50. Look after your children and maintain a high standard of upbringing in terms of clothing and feeding.

51. Listen to your husband and try not to forget to do things for which he has asked you to do.
Prophet Muhammad said, “Teach your wife the chapter of An-Nisa, Al-Maida, An-Nur (from the Qu’ran).” This chapter includes sexual conduct.http://quran.com/24

52. Shari’ah must be the centre of your lives and obedience to your husband is one of the means to Jannah (heaven/paradise).

53. Remember that Allah will always test you and there will be times that you may have domestic problems but remember every problem doesn’t mean the end!

54. Avoid arguing with each other especially in front of children.

55. The wife should not allow anyone to enter her home without the permission of her husband.

Source of the material - http://www.zawaj.com/55-ways-to-have-a-happy-marriage/

Zawaj.com Editor’s Note: this is based on an article that was published on a few Muslim forums with no author given.

55 ways to enjoy your marriage. Start well and daily renew the love you have through respect, regard and doing activities together. Blessings.

Kindness, forgiveness and mercy - which is the greatest?

Kindness, mercy and forgiveness - why you should forgive

When we forgive we spread kindness. "And for the one who spreads his kindness, Allah will spread His mercy over him on the day of Judgement" (Prophet Muhammad PBUH).

DO KINDNESS AND MERCY MEAN THE SAME?

In the dictionary, mercy is a synonym for kindness. A synonym is a word with a similar meaning. Even though they are synonyms we may still use the words in different senses.

Why do we talk about God’s mercy and for humans kindness?

Usually when we talk about human mercy we think of when we could kill another but we decide not to do it – that is mercy. Thus mercifulness is when another has done a clear wrong to us but we decide to be merciful (extreme kindness) and pardon them. Forgiveness is also a synomym of mercy. Thus we can be kind or merciful when we forgive. Gentleness is also a synonym of mercy.

FORGIVING THE UNFORGIVABLE

Mercy is compassion and forgivenss shown for something that perhaps is unforgivable by ordinary standards but we are prepared for the sake of the relationship or for some other reason to overlook or pardon.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN KINDNESS AND MERCY

When we open the door for another we are being kind because it is a nice thing to do – in this situation we are not being merciful.

GOD’S MERCY

When dealing with God, we talk about God’s mercy because we have sinned, we have done wrong. God exercises his mercy in this situation. Yes we do talk about man’s mercy but we usually talk about kindness because for most human interactions we need kindness, and kindness means niceness, courtesy and being generous of spirit.

It is kind to exercise mercy but for most ordinary events – humans only need to be kind. However, for a very serious act or transgression then the human needs to think of mercy – which is the most extreme type of kindness, forgivenss and compassion.

ISLAMIC MERCY

If we repent of sin and stop the act then Allah will be merciful. Mercy (forgiveness) prevails over wrath (anger). Thus the meaning of God’s mercy is more about forgiveness (which includes kindness).

MERCY REWARD

Reward for kindness and compassion was also assured by Prophet Muhammad: “The merciful are shown mercy by the All-Merciful. Show mercy to those on earth, and He Who is in heaven will show mercy unto you” (As-Suyuti).

A Prophet’s Mercy

Prophet Muhammad was sent as mercy to all creations with no exception. This means that Islam was founded upon mercy.

GENTLENESS

The Prophet was also most gentle in guiding people, and whenever they used to harm him he always asked Allah to pardon them for their ignorance and cruelty.

COMPASSIONATE COMPANIONS

The followers (known as Sahabas) of the Prophet Muhammad were expected to he compassionate. Compassion is a synonym of mercy. An example of mercy was Abu Bakr As-Siddiq who dedicated his wealth for buying slaves from their brutal masters and then he set them free for the sake of Allah.

THE CONCEPT OF MERCY

When clarifying the right concept of mercy to his Companions, the Prophet said that it is not by one’s kindness to family and friends, but it is by showing mercy and compassion to the general public whether you know them or not.

MERCY TOWARDS CHILDREN

When a man once saw the Prophet kissing his grandson, he said, “I have ten children but I have never kissed any one of them.” The Prophet replied: “He who does not show mercy, no mercy would be shown to him” (Al-Bukhari).

ENCOURAGING KINDNESS

The Prophet encouraged kindness by saying that a person is rewarded by good deeds for each hair he strokes on an orphan’s head.

WAR, PEACE AND DISBELIEVERS

Mercy in Islam also extends to enemies, in times of war and peace. Prophet Muhammad used to urge his Companions to maintain family ties with relatives who were disbelievers by calling on them and giving them gifts.

MEN WITHOUT KNOWLEDGE

Allah commands Muslims to grant refuge to enemies if they should ask for it, and forbids anyone to harm them. This is stated in the Qur’an, where Allah says: If one amongst the pagans ask thee for asylum, grant it to him, so that he may hear the word of Allah; and then escort him to where he can be secure. That is because they are men without knowledge. (At-Tawbah 9:6).

RESPECT IS ALSO A KINDNESS OR MERCY

The Prophet forbade his Companions to harm the elderly, injured, women, children, and people in places of worship. Also, destroying fields was forbidden. Defacing the corpses of enemies was strictly banned and giving them rapid burial was commanded out of respect.

The Prophet’s orders regarding captives were strictly obeyed by his Companions. In one of the stories about a battle related to us by a captive, he says that he was staying with a Muslim family after being captured. Whenever they had their meals, they used to give him preference by offering him bread while they would eat only dates.

When the Prophet (peace be upon him) victoriously entered Makkah after defeating the Quraish, he approached them and asked, “How do you expect me to treat you?” They replied, “You are a noble brother and the son of a noble brother! We expect nothing but goodness from you.” Then the Prophet announced, “I speak to you in the same words as Yusuf (the Prophet Joseph) spoke unto his brothers: o reproach on you this day, God will forgive you, He is the Most Merciful of the Merciful. (Yusuf 12:92). Go, for verily you are free.”

On this day, when tolerance and forgiveness were least expected, the Prophet set an example of mercy and forgiveness by releasing all the captives without ransom, and forgiving them for the persecution and brutal torture of the Muslims, which was continuous during the first 13 years of conveying the message of Islam.

KINDNESS TO ANIMALS

When the Prophet saw a donkey with a branded face, he said, “Have you not heard that I have cursed anyone who brands an animal on its face or who hits it on its face?” (Muslim).

The Prophet once said that a woman was sent to Hell because of a cat that she imprisoned, neither feeding it nor setting it free to hunt for its own food. On the other hand, the Prophet said, a man went to Paradise for giving water to a dog in the desert that was panting out of thirst.

The Prophet forbade that knives should be sharpened in front of animals before slaughtering. In addition, the slaughtering of an animal before another was prohibited. This is clear in one of the Prophetic sayings: “God calls for mercy in everything, so be merciful when you kill and when you slaughter: sharpen your blade to relieve its pain” (Al-Bukhari).

One of the Companions related this incident: When they were traveling with the Prophet, they found a bird with its young ones, so they took them from their mother. The bird came and started flapping its wings, so the Prophet asked, “Who has distressed this bird by taking its young? Return them to it at once” (Al-Bukhari).

Animal welfare was affirmed by the Prophet when he said that anyone who took a living thing as a target is cursed. Forcing animals to fight till one gores the other was also strictly banned, for animals have feelings and this would be definite torture for them.

MERCY STARTS WITH GOD

Mercy starts with God and is bestowed by Him to every living creature. Humans show each other mercy, to live harmoniously with one another, and in turn, by showing this mercy, they themselves are shown even more mercy from Allah.

Source of some of the text: http://www.naveedmalik.com/thetruthoflife/others_mercy.htm

Animal welfare was affirmed by the Prophet

10 straightforward ways to success

Advertising Space - After your Hub is published advertisements may be placed in this space.

10 ways to be more successful

EASY PEASY
For some there is no easy way to success – it requires learning from mistakes and is one of the best ways. Take Steve Jobs for example – he certainly had ups and downs before he met with meterioic success. Here are 10 points that help you have more success more easily.

1. ACTION
Are you really taking action to move your dreams forward. Think of what actions you can take and do to get moving. Focus upon what the action will bring you. In other words, you need to think what this action will bring you.

2. NEWNESS
Do something new. If you keep doing the same things the same way time after time then progress will be slow or non-existent. Act upon new ideas and experiment with new ways of doing things.

3. IMPROVEMENT
When we talk about improvement – we talk about improving our actions and that includes yours offerings – your product. Ideally introduce to the world something that people will talk about, recommend and resonate with. Make sure your offerings are the tip-top – invest the time and resources you can in it.

4. POWER UP
It is about your audience, your fans, your customers, your sphere of influence or in marketing talk – your market share. You need to get your website and your social media working for your too. In these areas you need to offer something of value – somenhting free in exchange for an email address, for example.

5. MONEY
You have to do financial projections for your business and products. Keep financial considerations in your mind too.

6. THE GIFT OF THE GAB
The gift of the gab is the ability to speak. If you want success you need to be able to write well and speak well. These are skills that can be improved with regular practice. Again go into action write and speak as much as you can but with the intention to improve and do better. Watch and learn from the best speakers and writers.

7. BETTER THE LEADERS
In every field there are leaders – study them, what makes them tick. Study their websites and their social media presence. Don’t copy, but see what ideas might complement your purpose, and also have you can innovate on the current ideas set. I once read a story – it was about some children who were trying to get the bananas of a banana tree. None of the children could read the bananas on their own. Only when they co-operated and one bent down and allowed another to use her like a stepping stone were they able to get the bananas. Team work, co-operation and collaboration can get us further. We may not have a formal relationship but we need to learn from others.

8. COLLABORATIVE EFFECT
Often when we share we have more. Think about how others can help spread your message – people in your industry and field. Think alliances and mutual benefits.

9. PASSIONATE SINCERITY
Passion and sincereness are powerful ways to touch your audiences. Inject passion and sincereity. Take the passion test and look at some of the best selling products and think how passion was injected.

10. SUCCESSFUL FLEXIBILITY
Success rarely happens overnight. It may take years – but keep your purpose in mind but be flexible to incorporate new ideas, new directions and new collaborations.

Steve Jobs had his ups and downs but still went on to great success. So can you.